If I could write a letter to me....

People say they wouldn't change a thing- even if they could.  But I would.


I love my life.  It's kind of perfect.  The arrogant part of me really believes that I have become a better version of myself in alot of ways simply through accepting my faults and flaws, and loving myself anyways.  I Thank Jon for alot of this.  If anyone knows me 100% inside out, it's him.  However, if I could know just where I would end up no matter what- there are some things I would change.


If I could write a letter to me, it would go a little something like this.


"Dear Randi,
You are 5.  This year you will be in Mrs. Countryman's class and you will have the pleasure of meeting her pet Rabbit- Bilbo.  Do not stick your fingers in the cage- he WILL bite you.  I know you will do it anyways, but you were warned.   You will love storytime! Be sure and grab a good spot on the red tape on the floor.  Later in the year you will be introduced to the sand station and will master making sand stars...it is right next to the bathroom so make sure you go if you need to because your bladder sucks....yes it will fail you at least once this year....it isn;t your fault- those Osh Kosh zippers blow.


There is a little blonde down the street you should meet.  Her name is Nicole and you will love her.  You will know her because her laugh is so loud you can hear it at your house with the windows closed, and...get this...she has a fort under her bunk bed!  She will be one of your best friends so make sure you remember to treat her well, and if there is a fight say you are sorry if it is your fault....she will always say it first, but you need to make sure you say it too.


When you are 8 you will make 3 more friends- Jill, Jessica and Megan.  These girls are people you want to know.  You will know Jill because the first time you see her- she will be dragging a schnauzer down the street.  Go say hello!  You will know Megan because she is Jills best friend- she's a bit quieter but give her time.  Jessica will be the first to be open and friendly, don't laugh because anytime she says "shleep" instead of "sleep"...she's sensitive about it.


When you are 12 life is going to deal you a pretty awful card.  You need to make sure you hug Grandma Jean and Grandpa Bill as often as possible. Don't get upset with Grandpa Bill for yelling at you when you put your feet on the tv...he doesn't mean it.  Oh- always check the second drawer in the blue bedroom- he and Grandma Donna will leave you presents. Also check under his chair- there is always quarters ;)  Grandma Jean likes when you sit on her lap, so do it all the time, and try your hardest to memorize her face and the way she smells- like perfume and  laundry detergent.  Grandpa will laugh when you ask to comb his hair when it looks all crazy- but he loves it.  Remember to tell them how much you love them everytime you leave.When it cant get any worse this year...Nicole moves away, and its hard. You will learn that you can be close with someone even if they don't live nearby. this is a hard lesson- but you will make it through all right. Make sure you keep calling her.  All the time.  She has a hard time, too.


You are 16!  Don't be scared to drive, it really isn't so bad. When you start your new job at the grocery store  make sure and tell ( a few) of the girls who give you a hard time to shove it as often as possible...they never get any better.  Stick with your girlfriends, they are your best bet. Guess what- most of them will work with you! Cut your parents a break- they really do mean well.  They know alot more than you, and don't be to stubborn to realize that.  


HINT: If they accuse you of things you aren't doing- and you Yell "I'm NOT!!!" It really looks like you are lying. Answer in an even tone....cool your jets.


You are graduating high school!  When you go to project graduation dont spend your entire night in the bingo room- yes they will have the best prizes, but there's to much going on you will miss.  When you hang out with everyone this summer BE CAREFUL. You will love that they have motorcycles but if mom finds out they are popping wheelies with you on the back she will freak out....for good reason.  


Be smart with your heart.  Don;t give it up all at once. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck- its probably a damn duck. I know you think you are ready and this is right, But deep down you know you are trying to salvage something...that won't complete the puzzle- it will make it worse.  When you're  really ready you won't have to convince yourself you are. Don't settle.  Don't ever be an option for someone you make a priority. You are NOT a consolation prize. Don't compromise yourself, and don't let anyone make you feel like a convenience. Speak up, stand up, and walk away.


COLLEGE BOUND!


This year you will take Algebra and English Comp.  You will learn the ins and outs of college life, and you will make a few new friends.  Public Speaking blows- but dont stop going or you will fail. 


The guy who sings will dump you because you aren't a ho. Its fine-he is a grade-A jackass.  Punch him in the face before you tell him to screw off.


ENTER SECOND SEMESTER:
There will be some guys you don't have the nerve to talk to...and thats ok! But there is this one.  You will know him because his laugh fills the entire room and he looks like he got dressed in the dark.  I know he looks homeless.  


Hint:  Approach him. It will save you alot of time....you will have to do it eventually- just do it ASAP. 
You will fall for him hard and fast, but keep it light.  This one scares easy. When you get the feeling he is pulling away from you- let him go.  He will come back.  In the mean time move in with some girl friends...Cortney Abbott is a perfect choice...and she will help you rip your bed apart in a fit of rage- AND let you sleep in bed with her if you are having a hard night. She'll want to kill him..as much as you agree-.convince her not to.


When he shows up after....a while.  Don't say harsh things.  When he says he loves you, and he will, he means it. When he doesn't know the right thing to say....and he won't alot of the time- watch the way he watches you.  Watch the way he tries not to laugh when you scream at him for eating the last cookie. Watch the way his arms open up when there's nothing left to say but I'm sorry.  Pay attention to the stolen smiles and giggles when you stub your toe and throw out the most un-lady-like words.. Listen to the way his breaths get short and choppy when he gets good and asleep (don't worry- he's fine).    


Be patient.
Be understanding.
Don't go to bed angry.
Don't punish him for things others have done.
Sometimes it is his fault..but resolve it and be done with it.
Love as much as you can, and when you feel like you are going to burst, love more.


We get one life.  Live every minute.