Hopeless Romantic?

Ok- I'm literally fuming. It's a bit ridiculous being that it was brought on by a Lifetime movie- haha, Never the less- it got me pretty upset.

Here I am, tonight. I had seen this commercial for a movie called "Unanswered Prayers" based on the Garth Brooks song. In the song as you remember Garth Brooks (apparently- or so in this story) runs into his old high school flame, his first love, the one he was infatuated with. The one he'd always wanted and adored. BUT as he is remembering the old days, and recalling how much he loved her (or so he thought) he looks at his wife, and thanks God for her. Thanks God he DIDN'T answer that prayer.  I sang along the song as a little girl,  it is still one of my favorites. I remember a few of the prayers as I had growing up, and in past relationships. I look back at them now with a smile, and I look at the goofy, silly, beautiful man that I love. As much as i ever thought I knew what love was, what it meant, or how people showed it- I didn't know romantic love until he entered my life. So the song holds a place in my heart. Well- the MOVIE does NOT.

The man in the film has a great marriage and a son and she's been in love with him since 5th grade and blah blah blah. Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy. Anywhoo- he does NOT look at his wife and thank God for her- he has to sneak around with the old girl first, get drunk and fool around with her, and THEN realize that he is a total ass. Beg his wife to forgive him as she bawls in the kitchen, and then hate himself. UGH. The naive me thought this would be fairytale-esque and not so typical. I threw the remote and refused to watch the end.

Then I realized why i was so pissed. Almost every relationship I have ever known or put faith in has failed miserably at some point. Honestly.  What is that? I grew up believing that if you love someone you love them, plain and simple. Uncomplicated, black and white. Why do so many people have to screw it up royally to realize they had it pretty damn good? And that it's what they want, and had it the whole time, and were to stupid to realize it? What is it about relationships that have everyone so scared?
I realize how idealistic this sounds, but I grew up reading fairytales. I put alot of stock in them, and loved like that my entire life. I Do.  Not.  Falter.  To this day. I have always loved whole-heartedly. 100 percent. I have also been 100 percent faithfully committed to who I was with. 

Now I have a lot of male friends. I adore them. I hang out with them- sometimes without my boyfriend-GASP!  We do crazy things like have coffee and see movies and have MEALS TOGETHER. (sense the sarcasm).  It is sad in this day and age when many would assume that there has to be a catch....why spend time with a man that isn't who you are with?? I am not perfect by ANY means, but I'm plenty comfortable in where my heart resides to think nothing of doing these things, Jon always knows who i'm with and where I am. Those who are scared of those situations are probably those who are unsure in their heart, I like when people say "it's out of respect!" ummm ok.... sooo whats disrespectful about having a meal? About conversation? If everyone's fine with it there is no disrespect involved...right? I've never been so drunk, or confused, or angry, or what have you that I did anything to jeopardize my relationship.This one or any other one.    Ever.


That is not meant to sound holier than thou, or cocky and I realize it does. I realize I come off that way sometimes, and people are good at reminding me. Also this is not directed at anyone specific but to the general public and I hear this stuff ALL THE TIME from others...   "I was drunk, it was a mistake!" and "I was confused- it wont happen again!" and " I didn't mean to hurt you" and " It just something I had to figure out!" all that other crap is something I don't understand.

Now, that being said. I am in a relationship that had its own up and downs, its own battles. Its own little bumps and bruises. There was no cheating, but we weren't completely sure we were meant to be together. So We took a break, we figured it out. We didn't stay together, lie to each other, hide things, reveal them later when it wouldn't be so bad, we took time away. REAL time. and we BOTH knew it was happening. , So I understand some of the doubt, or the faltering to an extent, but at the risk of sounding cocky (once again) there is a little thing called fidelity people, Fidelity has a little friend named Honesty. Fidelity and Honesty's grandpa's name is Respect. Give it a go.

My unanswered prayers?  I prayed (at 12) that God would wake me up from this nightmare when my grandparents died, and that he'd take it back 3 months later when, to top it off, my best friend moved away.  They stayed gone. and she left.

I prayed that My teeth would magically fix themselves. They didn't


One of the biggest ones was thrown into the heavens out of desperation and the complete demolition of me heart at 19 as my best friends told me the worst thing you can hear about the person you love- I prayed it wasn't true. and that we'd be together forever. We weren't.



My answered prayers?


Jonathan Cole McCracken.  Years later. Disguised as a quiet kid reading Lord of the Rings in the OCCC lobby haha. Who looked like he was gonna bolt for the door when I asked him to borrow his psych notes. Who I had to literally say "You gonna kiss me or not?" to....2 months later. Haha!  and there you go...  :)

Traditional "What I am Thankful For" - its WAY long. haha

What I am Thankful For:

My love.  "Boyfriend" doesn't give him enough credit. That' s a term you use in middle school to describe the boy you sat next to at lunch who grossly kissed you once and gave you half his peanut butter sandwich. This man I am referring to is my favorite part of my life. Takes me as I am, always. knows me better than anyone else does or ever has. better than I know myself. Loving him makes me a better person.

My family.  We are a bunch of sarcastic, stubborn, fiery people. Almost like Italians, haha. But we love each other so much its hard to breathe. I am strong, confident, true and stubborn like my mother. I am sarcastic, love with all my heart, self-sufficient, and get the job done like my father.  I refuse to be spoken down to by anyone- I get that from them both haha.  My brother Brad is an inspiration. Good at everything he tries to do. He's an amazing artist; in every sense of the word. He has a quiet way about him that is different from the rest of us- a bit better in my opinion. He's going to do great things, not to mention He's a wonderful brother.

My younger sister is just her. In every good sense of the expression. She's a perfect combination of our parents. She's more mellow than I am, but don't tick her off. She actually listened to me when she was growing up about making good decisions- haha. She's smart and thoughtful. She accepts people for who they are and accepts herself for who she is. I love that about her.  My youngest brother Brian is a trip. He's crazy and funny. At 10 years old, I swear He should do stand-up.  He hides his huge heart behind a little tough guy exterior, but still lets me kiss and snuggle him like when he was little. He is a great judge of character. He has literally gotten in a fight defending the kid in his class his peers were making fun of. I think He loves Jon almost as much as I do. Before he was born we would be sitting at the kitchen table and I always felt like someone was missing, After he was born I realized I think it was him.. :)

Jon's Family- 

Scott, Paula, Kelli, Aaron, Baby Liam, Bub and Jenny-  I know alot of people say in-laws, or who they love's family is a nightmare. I beg to differ haha. You guys do so much, and you have always made me feel like part of the family. I cannot express how much I appreciate that. I love you guys so much!!

Matt, Cristy and Jackson- you know how much we love you. Our adventures are always so much fun! From getting into cars with strangers at Cuppy and Joe's to Bear's diabolical poo incident- there is never a dull moment. We kind of adore you.  :)

ok-I simply cannot address you separately- there is just to many haha. You guys are so amazing. I consider you my family as well. I always wanted the big loud family, and tons of people and cousins and pure havoc... Well..... I got it!! and I love it. I feel so blessed to know you all, and love the diversity of personality. More so than that I love what you all have in common- how much you love each other. 

My friends- Once again to many to address seperately, However we will try. first the Girls:

Megan. Marie. Whitman. ~Jon is my love but you are my soulmate. I don't know what I would do without you. You have seen me through the hardest times and best times of my life. You are what best friends are made of.  You are like my human Valium- haha. You know how to chill me out, and there's something to be said about that! Like i know that Jon is who I will spend my life with, I know I will spend it with you as my friend. I love you more than words can say.

Momma Tina and Crazy Ricky- Thank you for being such great parents to my Fuzzball up there. I dont know what I'd do without her! I love you both like family!! Xoxo

Cortney a.k.a "Abbott"- dude. Dude. I think God made us on the same day, but made you taller and thinner and gave you the straight teeth- but gave me the ghetto booty and decided I was a Bobcat. Where as other people had to know me to understand me- you always got me haha. You are a true-blue, stand up for your friends, and love with all you are type of person. I know you always have my back- and our few epic fights were because we love each other so much. You are a gorgeous person inside and out.  Love you!

Nicole Joann- Niki Niki Jo Jo-haha

You are simply incredible. You inspire me all the time. You are tough, and brave in all areas of your life. You do things your way. You push the edge of the envelope. You meet your goals.   You love freely and easily. You're passionate. We have been friends our entire life- and helped groom me into who I am. Like sisters we fight and argue. We make each other nuts. But I love you like a sister- Always. Don't know how I'd function if I didn't have you.  :)

Jessica DeNice-You amazing teacher you! More adult that the rest of us- you do so much!! Coaching and making us all look like slackers haha, I love that you had a dream and achieved it. We don;t get to see each other as much as we'd like- but we both know how much we mean to each other! I love you girl!

Jilly Bean- You handle yourself with more grace than anyone I know. You are a great balance of love and logic. You pretty much always do the right thing. You have had some rough times- but always come out clean on the other side! I'm so glad you are happy- you deserve it! Love you!

Sassafrass- You crazy woman, you. Haha! I simply adore you. You are true to who you are, don't take anyone's crap, and have a huge heart! I know this past year has been crazy rough on you, but you are so much stronger than you know. God has big plans for you! I love you!

My dear Mrs. Whitney- What can I say girlie- you are just amazing! You are an example to be followed. You work so hard, you are such a woman of God and beautiful person. You are probably the most family-oriented person I know. You and Luke are a perfect match- and your love is that of storybooks. I love you. 

Lacey: You are awesome, Mrs Retter! You always have a sweet thing to say, you carry yourself like a woman should with grace and confidence, without being cocky. You work your tail off and make our Christian so happy. We are so happy you guys found each other! i know You, me and Whit will be friends for MANY years- If not on our own accord- our men would never separate anyways  haha. Love you!

Lauren: im so glad we became friends!  You totally crack me up. you also make me feel like my advice is helpful haha. I have so much fun with you! I know you've had a lot of obstacles and changes- but you handle them like a champ! I know you will find success in anything you do :) Love you!

Sarah Hope- Girl Im so glad you are moving Back!  Some of my funnest times have been with you! Skylar is a total doll- I know you had a hand in that ;) haha. She exudes vibrancy and happiness- which only comes from a child that knows she's loved so much. Me+You+Relax Riesling. I love you, SNERT. haha

Kala- My crazy karaoke friend!! You are such a wonderful Mommy to Liam- I hope I can be as good as you are when I get my little ones in the DISTANT future haha. You are a total blast, and you've worked hard to get where you are. He is your first priority- I have never doubted that for a second. You are totally gorgeous, friend! I love you! 

Rachel- Tons of my adolescent memories have you in them- whether we were having slumber parties or trying to  rip each others throats out haha, It was all out of love! You have become this wonderful, beautiful family woman! I am so proud of you! Love you!

Bird- You are such a tough Old Bird- haha. The definition of someone that's been to hell and back- I salute you. You amaze me. You are one of the funnest/ funniest people I know and I totally love being around you. You can ALWAYS make me laugh haha. You're a great Momma to Kiki...she didn't look to happy in that OU jersey though... I think you and Sam Bradford will make a wonderful life together  ;)

Bee- Hey-yo Prego!  haha. You also are a wonderful mommy- deep down i know you're sweet- that's why Aiden is the way he is  ;) I know you always have my back, and once you pop that baby out and visit it's party-hardy time. You are such a wonderful sister to the kids, they are lucky to have you. Love you!

Kara aka "Carinos Mommy"- you are the best pseudo Mommy ever. Thanks for always feeding me and taking care of me haha, hailey is a lucky girl! Love you!

My Norman JC girls- geez you've made my move to Norman so much easier!! You guys are so awesome and I hardly ever mind coming to work- which is wierd! Alisha- "Pillow Fight!" I love our movie dates haha. Aly- shopping with you is so much fun- I love how excited we get haha. ALY SMASH!  Sandi- You wonderful Zumba intructor you! Im working my way up there! and the hottie at Olive Branch- haha! Katy- Brotney spears dance! You make me happy- thats all there is to it haha Sam- The definition of someone who wears a smile in crisis, girl you are an inspiration to us all! Bri- No day is complete without a friendly smack on the hiney haha. Lyd- Like Aly you can chill me out- which is huge- and You are such a good momma to little artie. Reuben- your shenanigans sure make me laugh haha, and you fly planes! I wish I could be as badass as you! Ashley- its PLATE day!!! You know you love me!  To the rest of you I love you as well!! That place oozes with good people, it simply astounds me.

To all my girlfriends- you know who you are. Im sorry i cant list you all- I dont know if you've ever tried to do this- but its HARD! haha. Everyone of you has touched my life in a way that has made me better. I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

BOYS: 

Brandon- What is there to say- we've had our arguments over 4 bottles of wine haha, but I just love you. you are the person I would choose for my best friend. I know how much you love her, and how hard you work for her. Thank you for taking care of her! Love you "Dad"!

Zack Brewer, Luke, Christian- Thank you firstly for being wonderful husbands to the women I love so much! all three of you are amazing. I know how those women can be and you are brave-haha! They adore you as do I. I know we will be friends for years. Love you!

Tim- our coffee dates and deep discussions make you one of my favorite people. You are a human ego boost- and you feel things when you feel them. I love you pseudo- boyfriend!

 Ahdom- I think I would've killed you in years past If I didn't like you so much haha. I know I give you a hard time but you know I will always care about you. You are a big reason I knew what love was about. To think like a crawdad you have to become a crawdad right? :)

Colt- Miss Noxzema Jackson!! Someone who can always put a smile on my face. You care about your friends and family SO much. You are one of my favorite people to be around! I love you!

Eric- THE GUY who got me through me and Jon's dark times haha- two-for's at AMC on sunday were always our thing. I dont know where you are these days but I hope life is treating you well. You always hold a piece of my heart, love. and I am forever grateful to you for being such  a good friend to me when i needed one the most!! We miss you. I love you!

Chaser and Jay-tub- Well as my boyfriend's boyfriends I guess we are stuck with each other  :) you guys are amazing friends to us. So glad you are making such a wonderful lives for yourselves, Chase I hope you aren't to busy to marry us at our wedding haha. Jake- hope you feel like crying its gonna be a tearjerker! We love you guys so much!

John Way, Billy Barty, Jed, Will and Nikita- You boys have a  great way of always making me feel accepted and special- almost like a cool guy with long hair haha. You never seem to mind that Jon brings his girfriend everywhere ;0) You are wonderful friends to Jon and to me. I love that you guys make me feel like you love me almost as much as you love him. You are awesome. We love you!

Jon face- You little genius you! I know I dont see you much but that doesnt mean I love you any less than I always have. You are hilarious, and a hottie I might add  ;) Me and jon miss you- come see us! love you!

last but NOT least-

Jeff Kenney- aka JRK. You are one of my favorite people in the entire world. I respect and love the person you are. You have always listened when i needed to talk and offered advice when i asked for it. I will always think of you as someone I can count on, and One of the truest people I have ever met. I love you so much!

all the other men in my life- You are just as important. once again writing it all out isnt easy! Everyone has influence and I adore all of you. Thanks for everything you do!!