Disclaimer" More random gripes from your truly- written in a funny sarcastic manner not in actual anger. Any criticism of said article is not welcome- you read it- I didn't force you ;)
Oh facebook....How I love and hate thee. I love being able to keep in touch with the friends that lead busy lives such as I, and the friends that are to far away to visit as often as I would like. I love that I can communicate with people at their and my convenience being that i work opposite hours than most, and I love that posting an invitation for suggestions for good massage parlors, hair products, and the other small details of my life has been made extremely simple. However- I do not love how it has tuned many of its loyal users into a whiner, instigator, and downright coward.
Holy Shnikes I am sick of feeling like I am back in high school. I understand how once again this will seem a bit ironic or Inception-like; griping about how people's gripes, how they use their own personal space, freedom of speech, blah blah blah....save it please. You sought this out as well so what makes you any better? Ha. Gotcha.
My point being- I understand the need to vent (obviously); what I do not understand is the need to CONSTANTLY vent, the hilarious misrepresentation of ones self for others enjoyment/approval and the need to start conflict on a social networking sight in an extremely vague manner as to avoid any actual physical repercussions. Translation? Bitching all the time about the same crap and making no changes, Saying you enjoy poetry and black and white classics when I know for a fact you spent most weekends of 4 years lighting up some reefer and puking on yourself (no no dont give me that liberal "that doesn't define you" crap), and my favorite- Talking shit about people and refusing to name who, while also refusing to do it in person because you know you are going to get your ass kicked. Ok- here's the thing- I creep- like most on facebook. None of the people I am talking about- and it is no one in particular just a BUNCH of random acquantances-are good friends of mine. So all of you that have decided I am talking about you and have gotten all huffed up and mad for no viable reason....chill. I love you. Haha.
I realize I bring it on myself as a snoop but I am encountering this so frequently that it has turned from a hilarious comic-strip like past time to a downright disgust for alot of my past peers. Therefore I am exercising MY right to free speech and saying "are you freaking kidding me?" By the way- using more words and complicated phrasing do not make you sound more intelligent- they make you sound like a politician. Like you are full of crap- and you have no concrete ideas of your own- so save it. Oh and girls? The reason why you can't find a guy to take you seriously is because you have 17 facebook albums with your lady parts hanging out and a beer bong in your mouth. Stop crying about how he didn't call- you idiot. If you have quotes under your quotations that you yourself have said- that are not funny but some kind of self-appointed philosophical discovery- I just feel bad for you. That's like giving yourself a high five in public (Thank you Pinterest)- you just look stupid. If you are going to say you " feel bad for everyone around me- I was born to be successful"- make sure you spell "successful" correctly. True story- hilarious.
I know how arrogant this seems- I always laugh when I scroll through my moody, bi-polar, I love my fiancee- worst day at work EVER!-man I want a cookie- "Re-post for what you believe in", bullcrap. We are all guilty of cursing the guy who cut us off on the highway on facebook for the world to share in our rage....some days it just gets to a be a bit ridiculous. Its those I dont associate with for obvious reasons who really get to me...its like Jersey Shore though- no matter how ridiculous i cant tear myself away from their trivial narcissistic lives. Haha. and I'm out!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Yeah...Im serious.
So as an extension of my last blog that 3 people probably read, and for my own amusement- for the last few days I have been told things about myself by a number of people. Observations they have made, Little mannerisms I don't realize I have, Things that reallly irritate me for no good reason.... Yep. This is a collection of completely useless information that I have tried to form into a witty interpretation of myself- strictly for your entertainment and to make me sleepy. It's 11:35- if I watch anymore Nip/Tuck my brain is going to implode.
STRANGE/FUNNY/ FACTS:
My boss always knows when I'm getting ready to have my ladies days because I ask for a mini cheesecake. On the same day of every month. and only on that day. Seriously.
I sneeze in 3's. I never sneeze just once. Like ever.
They have started to force me to look at my engagement ring at work when I get in a tizzy. It helps.
I sleep the best when there is a baby on my chest. Best. naps. ever.
I tell MY GM I bought my wedding dress, and he tells me there is a song Jon needs to download and listen to before the wedding, I ask him what it is and he says "Pink Floyd- Run."
I work Italian, so I never want pasta on my days off. I don't like Mexican food. I'll eat it, I don't hate it, but with me it's all steak, fried chicken, and mashed potatoes. Occasionally throw in some sushi and seafood :)
One of my favorite things about Ireland was the smell.
If I don't leave the t.v. on at night- my brain will reel until 6 in the morning unless I drug it with Nyquil. Yes, I swear. The fun of being completely type A.
My bladder is like that of an old lady with dementia. If I tell you I don;t have to pee- wait 10 minutes- then watch me try not to wet myself.
If I get so mad I cry- dont comfort me- RUN. Its about to get ugly.
When I wake up i stumble in to my living room in whatever clothes were on the floor next to the bed- usually consisting of Jons T-shirt, my sleep shorts and mis-matched tube socks. Sexy.
Even after 6 months every time I get in my "new" car- I get really happy. :)
Disney anything always makes me happy. Except the documentaries about the parks- those just make me want to go- and in turn make me depressed.
Stockings are my favorite thing at Christmas. A big sock full of tons of random stuff that I love?! YES PLEASE!
Relax Riesling will earn you a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a happy dance from me. Regardless of who you are.
Jon says he can tell how my night at work was from the way I open the door.
Its amazing the food combinations I can come up with when I am to broke or lazy to go get something. Today I had a turkey burger (just the patty) with some mustard and an egg, a few chips with hummus, and some grapes. Oh and a cup of strawberry-kiwi juice. Yum.
When I dont want to go to the gym- I force myself to put on my gym clothes anyways... this usually motivates me. When that doesn't work I watch "Heavy" on netflix...and end up doing crunches in front of the t.v.
THINGS THAT MAKE ME AN ANGRY BUNNY.
People who don't say "I'm sorry" and just wait for it to blow over, or do something nice instead, Piss me the eff OFF.
If you are on the phone with me- don't have a 10 minute conversation about something un-important with someone in the room with you. I will seriously hang up on you.
I have a ridiculously low tolerance for noise. I'm like an old lady. and I swear our kitchen has a noise quota they have to fill every day.
Having to talk to someone over loud music makes me want to rip my hair out. Seriously.
Don't talk to me before I have been awake for at least 40 minutes and have one or two gulps of coffee in my system. This is for your own safety.
If we are sitting at dinner, just the two of us- stop freaking texting.
Don't tell me you aren't hungry/thirsty then eat/drink half of mine. I will kill you.
Screw you, tollbooth! I gave you 55 cents. Im not throwing in another dime because your stupid light didn't turn green.
If I don't ask- I don't expect you to tell me. But don't offer up information or an explanation that I know is complete bullshit. You're just gonna make me mad.
I hate when people blame everyone else, and refuse to think they may be the problem. If 25 people tell you that you are a douchebag- maybe....JUUUUUST maybe....your just a douchebag.
Little kid at table 5- if you shake that empty cup at me one more time Im going to rip your little arm off . Whats that? you had Sprite? and I gave you straight Soda water? and you took a great big drink of it? aww my mistake.....
Its not my fault your husband called me "darlin". Stop glaring at me you bizzle.
What happened to all the men?
This drives me crazy. Why are boys in girls' pants? Why are they wearing purses? (satchel my ASS.) Why are they wearing knit hats in the 110 degree heat? Why are they a size 0? Why do they refuse to eat anything besides bark, and berries and all that other non-food, non-dairy, natural-vegan bullshit? . All of you trying to be weird...are just the same as everyone else.
Roided-out angry-opposite of aforementioned men.
Seriously? You cry more than any girl I know. Lay off the juice. By the way....YES everybody knows. Your arms are huge but there's nothing in your chest and it happened in like 3 weeks. Protein shakes my ass. Oh and muscles don't make up for the fact that your face is awful. If you have to tell me how badass you are- Im going to laugh at you.
STRANGE/FUNNY/ FACTS:
My boss always knows when I'm getting ready to have my ladies days because I ask for a mini cheesecake. On the same day of every month. and only on that day. Seriously.
I sneeze in 3's. I never sneeze just once. Like ever.
They have started to force me to look at my engagement ring at work when I get in a tizzy. It helps.
I sleep the best when there is a baby on my chest. Best. naps. ever.
I tell MY GM I bought my wedding dress, and he tells me there is a song Jon needs to download and listen to before the wedding, I ask him what it is and he says "Pink Floyd- Run."
I work Italian, so I never want pasta on my days off. I don't like Mexican food. I'll eat it, I don't hate it, but with me it's all steak, fried chicken, and mashed potatoes. Occasionally throw in some sushi and seafood :)
One of my favorite things about Ireland was the smell.
If I don't leave the t.v. on at night- my brain will reel until 6 in the morning unless I drug it with Nyquil. Yes, I swear. The fun of being completely type A.
My bladder is like that of an old lady with dementia. If I tell you I don;t have to pee- wait 10 minutes- then watch me try not to wet myself.
If I get so mad I cry- dont comfort me- RUN. Its about to get ugly.
When I wake up i stumble in to my living room in whatever clothes were on the floor next to the bed- usually consisting of Jons T-shirt, my sleep shorts and mis-matched tube socks. Sexy.
Even after 6 months every time I get in my "new" car- I get really happy. :)
Disney anything always makes me happy. Except the documentaries about the parks- those just make me want to go- and in turn make me depressed.
Stockings are my favorite thing at Christmas. A big sock full of tons of random stuff that I love?! YES PLEASE!
Relax Riesling will earn you a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a happy dance from me. Regardless of who you are.
Jon says he can tell how my night at work was from the way I open the door.
Its amazing the food combinations I can come up with when I am to broke or lazy to go get something. Today I had a turkey burger (just the patty) with some mustard and an egg, a few chips with hummus, and some grapes. Oh and a cup of strawberry-kiwi juice. Yum.
When I dont want to go to the gym- I force myself to put on my gym clothes anyways... this usually motivates me. When that doesn't work I watch "Heavy" on netflix...and end up doing crunches in front of the t.v.
THINGS THAT MAKE ME AN ANGRY BUNNY.
People who don't say "I'm sorry" and just wait for it to blow over, or do something nice instead, Piss me the eff OFF.
If you are on the phone with me- don't have a 10 minute conversation about something un-important with someone in the room with you. I will seriously hang up on you.
I have a ridiculously low tolerance for noise. I'm like an old lady. and I swear our kitchen has a noise quota they have to fill every day.
Having to talk to someone over loud music makes me want to rip my hair out. Seriously.
Don't talk to me before I have been awake for at least 40 minutes and have one or two gulps of coffee in my system. This is for your own safety.
If we are sitting at dinner, just the two of us- stop freaking texting.
Don't tell me you aren't hungry/thirsty then eat/drink half of mine. I will kill you.
Screw you, tollbooth! I gave you 55 cents. Im not throwing in another dime because your stupid light didn't turn green.
If I don't ask- I don't expect you to tell me. But don't offer up information or an explanation that I know is complete bullshit. You're just gonna make me mad.
I hate when people blame everyone else, and refuse to think they may be the problem. If 25 people tell you that you are a douchebag- maybe....JUUUUUST maybe....your just a douchebag.
Little kid at table 5- if you shake that empty cup at me one more time Im going to rip your little arm off . Whats that? you had Sprite? and I gave you straight Soda water? and you took a great big drink of it? aww my mistake.....
Its not my fault your husband called me "darlin". Stop glaring at me you bizzle.
What happened to all the men?
This drives me crazy. Why are boys in girls' pants? Why are they wearing purses? (satchel my ASS.) Why are they wearing knit hats in the 110 degree heat? Why are they a size 0? Why do they refuse to eat anything besides bark, and berries and all that other non-food, non-dairy, natural-vegan bullshit? . All of you trying to be weird...are just the same as everyone else.
Roided-out angry-opposite of aforementioned men.
Seriously? You cry more than any girl I know. Lay off the juice. By the way....YES everybody knows. Your arms are huge but there's nothing in your chest and it happened in like 3 weeks. Protein shakes my ass. Oh and muscles don't make up for the fact that your face is awful. If you have to tell me how badass you are- Im going to laugh at you.
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