Valentines Day is coming up, The newly-in-a-relationship people love it- and buy more chocolate and teddy bears than in all creation, those of us in long term relationships enjoy it- but don't put to much emphasis on it, and the single people hate it, look at it as a terribly sappy holiday, get drunk, and usually bitch at those that are happy....ahh memories. Haha. Valentines has never been my favorite holiday; I always end up working and Jon and I do a little something when we can- but I don;t get to worked up about it. I do love that essential lovey-dovey movie that comes out every year right around Valentines Day- I make a day of it with girlfriends and let myself be a complete cheeseball. Its fantastic.
I love a good romantic comedy, I love a good romantic drama even more- and if you throw Channing Tatum ( No Robert Downey Jr, but a delicious hunk of a man) and Rachel McAdams (tied with Mila Kunis as my total girl crush) Im there. I get super involved in movies. Im that annoying person in the theater who hushes people. If you dont hush I will throw Milk Duds at you. Seriously.
The plot (you would get this from the trailer so again- no spoilers) is this young married couple is involved in a car accident causing Rachel McAdams a.k.a "Paige" to lose her memory of ever knowing her husband...or basically anything of the last couple of years. So Channing Tatum (aka Leo) is heartbroken and defeated, but decided he has to make his wife "fall in love with him again." This all sounds very sweet. Clean slate...start anew? I start sniffling immediately. That is my second worst fear next to Jon (gulp) passing away. That someday we will be old and gray and one of us will forget the other. hey... Alzheimer's is scary shit ok? So there I am....lump in throat....just trying not to be a total basket case, I mean my heart just about leaps out of my chest and splatters on the floor; and I realize this is why. Its the MAN that is hurting....Not the woman. It just about killed me.
So I can handle...in a wierd way...the thought of being the one who remembered. Yes it would be horrible, and devastating, but at least you'd have all of those memories. I could love him through anything. But the thought of forgetting throws me into a tailspin; and in a wierd way watching this movie with this man just begging for his wife to know him about ruined me...because If I ever hurt Jon like that, it would rip me apart.
Everyone knows...and likes to remind me....just how "gross" Jon and I are. I'm sorry people that we love each other so much. I get so unbelievably sick of hearing people tell me to "God just shut up about it..." I don't walk around gushing about my fiancee....too often...Haha. When you've been together as long as we have (5 and a half years, not crazy long but def. a while) you don't realize everything is a "we". "We like that movie/show/restaurant". "We want to go to Italy","we were in Target the other day and..." we we we. You don't realize you move around each other like magnets. One moves, so does the other. If anything is funny you laugh looking at them to see if they're laughing too. Its like gravity...you know its there but its so innate its almost unconscious.
I never knew parts of me that love Jon existed. Little stolen moments that we share in crowded rooms, flickers of the eyes that have 100 different meanings. He has about 4 or 5 different laughs. He knows about 50 different ways to instantly piss me off, about 100 ways to calm me down, and about 500 ways to make me laugh and forget about whatever he did that made me angry in the first place. The first time I saw him smile- is tucked into my mind like a snapshot. This perfect, crooked, nervous smile. Absolute Perfection. The first time he REALLY made me angry...I have never been that out of my mind, chaotically, maniacally angry. He is my opposite in so many ways- he's insanely calm. Never gets worked up- the minute I do he acts like I am a crazy person. It about makes me live up to it. But when it comes down to it, when everything that can go wrong does, when the world walks out- he's still there. He's my home.
People have different views on relationships and love. That they are chance or luck, that there is someone out there everyone could "be happy with", that everyone has a counterpart or a soulmate, that love is fictional-made up (usually those that have been in love and it killed them), that there is no one out there for them (this is usually like high schoolers who have had 2 boyfriends...ever...). There are those that jump into it- and are "in love" with everyone they go on a date with. There are those that run from it....that are scared of it and are afraid it will catch them. There are those that have loved and lost; and those that have never loved at all.
I've experienced unconditional love, puppy love, and romantic love in my life. I've loved and lost, and I've loved and learned. I don;t know all the answers, and I don't have a ridiculous amount of wisdom or experience. Everyone's lives and experiences are different. All I know is its worth it. To chance the risk of becoming a "we." To get relentlessly tormented and mocked because you can't just "shut up" about that other person. To surrender your pride and love with everything that makes you who you are-and then some. To be angrier than you've ever been, and NOT be able to punch them in the face like you can your siblings...haha. Its worth every single good, bad, ugly, and beautiful moment.
I vow to be yours completely.
To fiercely love you, with every breath I take.
To love you, even when I hate you.
To know always, that we share a rare and transcendent kind of love; and
.To believe in us, beyond the shadow of a doubt.
To always and forever invade your side of the bed.
To give you beautiful, smart and inevitably tenacious babies.
and to Love you in every moment, the way I love you in this one.
.
