I have been blessed, and I feel like I've found my way...

I thank God for all i've been given,
at the end of every day.
Have been blessed,
Oh yes.

Lyrics to a Martina McBride song. Yes they are simple, could've been written by any Joe Scmho with a notebook under a tree on a college campus....insert guitar playing simple melody.  But these words are a message that really ring true with me. Where as most have an adoration for the cleverly phrased, the deep and hidden meanings in things, and the "what does this mean to you?" poems and lyrics; I have a love for the beautifully simple. The sentences that say so much with so little, the things that children say in a fleeting moment that leave you breathless. Charles Bukowski once "An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way."  I cannot agree more.


Blessed in my mind doesn't mean everything is perfect, it means you are able to appreciate the good.  I am a lucky girl, I say it all the time and people probably get sick of hearing it. "Look at Randi; running around and smiling like she's old school Hilary Duff in a damn Disney Music Video..." then in the next 10 minutes im having a tantrum about the fact that I haven't eaten in 5 hours. Its annoying- I get it. But I don't know how not to be 100% real. I know how to cool myself off, I know how to sugar-coat, and I know how to play ge along to an extent, but being someone else at any point...  It doesn;t register with me; and Im really bad at it. Im a terrible liar- which is why i dont do it. I'm me....all the time.  


I am blessed in the sense that I am comfortable with myself. I am blessed in the sense that I KNOW those who love me, really love me for me because I'm always me. I am blessed in the sense that the bad parts of me- the selfish, grudge-holding, impatient,  temper-infused parts of me, are 100% evened out by my oh-so-giving, patient, mellow boyfriend.  Who may be the only person I am always 500% me with. Its like I have tourettes, and he loves me- sometimes even more in my moments of crazy haha. Now let it be known he secretly likes my temper and how worked up I get...Im passionate, damnit,  Haha


I am blessed in the sense that I am finally liking the gym. a big thanks to my friend Aly who keeps me going with our poolside chats and elliptical motivational phrases. 


I am blessed in the sense that I don't want braces- wierd I know- but I don't. It would be purely cosmetic. I used to HATE my teeth. They bothered me my entire life, I was always self-conscious and got made fun of....told by people "your face would be perfect if you had braces..." Pffft. Then I date Jon. This beautiful man who is missing phalanges haha, and you never notice. If you do, there are fun jokes and entertainment to follow, but its a lesson to people that different is better than average. Everyone wants to be "unique" but only in a way that is acceptable.Now I understand this to an extent- Jon and I hit the gym and whatnot, but those are things you can change- and there are things that have to be physically altered with help. Im not about to let someone hammer my teeth straight just  so my face can look like everyone elses, and if they came up with a surgery that gave him back all of his fingers and toes I would be pissed. Our kids will have parents that are comfortable with what makes them different and hopefully the magazine articles and media wont get the best of them. Now if it is something that bothers someone about themselves- I am all about doing what makes you happy-why i am hitting the gym so hard- im ok with my teeth-but my thighs could stand to get smaller... ;)


I am blessed. In every large way, small way, and which way. I forget just like everyone else. I take things for granted, I take days, months and years for granted.  I get caught up in the bills, and the job, and the gas prices. I sleep to much. I spend to much time on my couch watching TV shows that are no doubt killing my viable brain cells. But I love with all I am, scream with all I am, cry with all I am. I feel things. Im not to scared, Im not to careful, Im not to proud. Im balanced, im in love, and im....yeah....lucky.  :)