Hopeless Romantic?

Ok- I'm literally fuming. It's a bit ridiculous being that it was brought on by a Lifetime movie- haha, Never the less- it got me pretty upset.

Here I am, tonight. I had seen this commercial for a movie called "Unanswered Prayers" based on the Garth Brooks song. In the song as you remember Garth Brooks (apparently- or so in this story) runs into his old high school flame, his first love, the one he was infatuated with. The one he'd always wanted and adored. BUT as he is remembering the old days, and recalling how much he loved her (or so he thought) he looks at his wife, and thanks God for her. Thanks God he DIDN'T answer that prayer.  I sang along the song as a little girl,  it is still one of my favorites. I remember a few of the prayers as I had growing up, and in past relationships. I look back at them now with a smile, and I look at the goofy, silly, beautiful man that I love. As much as i ever thought I knew what love was, what it meant, or how people showed it- I didn't know romantic love until he entered my life. So the song holds a place in my heart. Well- the MOVIE does NOT.

The man in the film has a great marriage and a son and she's been in love with him since 5th grade and blah blah blah. Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy. Anywhoo- he does NOT look at his wife and thank God for her- he has to sneak around with the old girl first, get drunk and fool around with her, and THEN realize that he is a total ass. Beg his wife to forgive him as she bawls in the kitchen, and then hate himself. UGH. The naive me thought this would be fairytale-esque and not so typical. I threw the remote and refused to watch the end.

Then I realized why i was so pissed. Almost every relationship I have ever known or put faith in has failed miserably at some point. Honestly.  What is that? I grew up believing that if you love someone you love them, plain and simple. Uncomplicated, black and white. Why do so many people have to screw it up royally to realize they had it pretty damn good? And that it's what they want, and had it the whole time, and were to stupid to realize it? What is it about relationships that have everyone so scared?
I realize how idealistic this sounds, but I grew up reading fairytales. I put alot of stock in them, and loved like that my entire life. I Do.  Not.  Falter.  To this day. I have always loved whole-heartedly. 100 percent. I have also been 100 percent faithfully committed to who I was with. 

Now I have a lot of male friends. I adore them. I hang out with them- sometimes without my boyfriend-GASP!  We do crazy things like have coffee and see movies and have MEALS TOGETHER. (sense the sarcasm).  It is sad in this day and age when many would assume that there has to be a catch....why spend time with a man that isn't who you are with?? I am not perfect by ANY means, but I'm plenty comfortable in where my heart resides to think nothing of doing these things, Jon always knows who i'm with and where I am. Those who are scared of those situations are probably those who are unsure in their heart, I like when people say "it's out of respect!" ummm ok.... sooo whats disrespectful about having a meal? About conversation? If everyone's fine with it there is no disrespect involved...right? I've never been so drunk, or confused, or angry, or what have you that I did anything to jeopardize my relationship.This one or any other one.    Ever.


That is not meant to sound holier than thou, or cocky and I realize it does. I realize I come off that way sometimes, and people are good at reminding me. Also this is not directed at anyone specific but to the general public and I hear this stuff ALL THE TIME from others...   "I was drunk, it was a mistake!" and "I was confused- it wont happen again!" and " I didn't mean to hurt you" and " It just something I had to figure out!" all that other crap is something I don't understand.

Now, that being said. I am in a relationship that had its own up and downs, its own battles. Its own little bumps and bruises. There was no cheating, but we weren't completely sure we were meant to be together. So We took a break, we figured it out. We didn't stay together, lie to each other, hide things, reveal them later when it wouldn't be so bad, we took time away. REAL time. and we BOTH knew it was happening. , So I understand some of the doubt, or the faltering to an extent, but at the risk of sounding cocky (once again) there is a little thing called fidelity people, Fidelity has a little friend named Honesty. Fidelity and Honesty's grandpa's name is Respect. Give it a go.

My unanswered prayers?  I prayed (at 12) that God would wake me up from this nightmare when my grandparents died, and that he'd take it back 3 months later when, to top it off, my best friend moved away.  They stayed gone. and she left.

I prayed that My teeth would magically fix themselves. They didn't


One of the biggest ones was thrown into the heavens out of desperation and the complete demolition of me heart at 19 as my best friends told me the worst thing you can hear about the person you love- I prayed it wasn't true. and that we'd be together forever. We weren't.



My answered prayers?


Jonathan Cole McCracken.  Years later. Disguised as a quiet kid reading Lord of the Rings in the OCCC lobby haha. Who looked like he was gonna bolt for the door when I asked him to borrow his psych notes. Who I had to literally say "You gonna kiss me or not?" to....2 months later. Haha!  and there you go...  :)