Being Successful-On Your Own Terms

I am a competitive person. I always have been.  I want to be- THE best. I want to do well academically. I want to be the friend that people feel lucky to have, and I want to be that person that isn't to busy to have alot of friends. I want to have enough money to be comfortable, but not so much that I get lazy and unappreciative. I want to know the value of hard work, without slowly breaking myself down physically so i can't run around with my kiddos. I want to feel good about myself physically- enough to be confident in a bikini-but still enjoy bacon and cupcakes and steak- and not be judgmental of others who are more fit/less fit than myself. I want to be well-rounded but specialized.  This isn't to much to ask right?

Here's the thing- we all compare ourselves to others way to much.  A list of positive and negative attributes does not define your character. We have all dated that person who looks great on paper, who is smart and attractive and funny- and you look at them- and you know the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead. We've all know that person who, in terms of the worlds definition of "achievements" has next none- they didn't finish college, or even high school- but they've loved the same person for 40 years, they put their blood sweat and tears into making a life for the children they raised- and now those kids are what the world defines as "successful". I'm not saying one is more important than the other, i'm just saying "success" is defined on your own terms. YOU decide how you feel about your choices, you decide how the world will build you up or break you down.  You are important- you have a place. Don;t be so hung up on keeping up with others that you lose sight of what kind of person you want to be. 

Enjoy yourself.  Breathe in, breathe out- kiss your spouse until they're annoyed (I do this often) when you start to get irritated (I do that often too) take a breath. Is this 20 minutes of your life you're willing to lose to argument? You never get it back....how important is it really? What good is all that work to make more money-that money you're putting away so you can live life- when you're missing it?  What good is it to be someone who busted their butt to get into shape if your going to use it as an excuse to judge people who aren't yet where you are? If you stress the importance of being free-thinkers to your kids- and then download onto them all of your views and refuse to listen to theirs- whether their 5, or 8, or 32,- how does that make them "Free" thinkers?  These are things I ask myself- not about others- but about myself. The kind of person and parent I want to be- but I know I will fall short. Because it's human nature to think your opinion and way is the right way- otherwise you would feel differently, its ok to compare yourself to others in terms of almost everything. It's ok to want to be better; It's ok to be opinionated- and even passionate-being  judgmental is the downfall of strong opinions. Of yourself and of others.

Now- allow me to clarify.  Jon and I are practical people, but we do not think of ourselves as the be all end all of anything.  We question ourselves a lot- and we can be mildly insecure about certain things.  We want to live comfortably enough that god forbid an emergency is upon us- we have a nest egg. We both grew up knowing the importance of a dollar, and had parents who worked their tails off to earn a few. Financial stress is something we are familiar with, not right now- but we have PLENTY of experience.  But IF you're fairly  comfortable. In your home, with your bills and there is food on the table- take some time to breathe. I have that luxury and many do not. I can work part-time, go to school, and we are fairly fine.  I know some people think I don't realize how lucky I am.  I thank God every day.  Every damn day. In my prayers at night I praise him for allowing me a life that I feel blessed and undeserving alot of the time to have. 

I compare myself to others. I'm a 27 year old waitress. I'm a size 6- sometimes an 8 in the hips. I weigh 129 pounds.....in the morning. I am an Elementary Ed major who hates noise  (hilarious, right)  I have 32 dollars in my wallet, and I don't have kids because I'm to selfish to have them right now. I wanted to throw a Coke at the "homeless guy" I saw yesterday who is clean shaven, all of 22, and was listening to an Ipod. (Judgemental- yes I am.) Im also insecure, needy, and push my opinions on others. but I am happy.  I fancy myself more fantastic than people probably think I am...lol.  Call that blind cockiness- but its just the way my daddy taught me. I'm surrounded by people that are heart and soul better than I am- and you are the ones doubting yourselves. Be proud.  Stand-up.  Stop explaining. and just Be.

The Vet

I am a server. Some nights of the week, I am also a bartender.  Tonight was one of those nights.

You  meet alot of different people as a bartender. There are  married couples who just got off of work and want to unwind as they sip cocktails and gripe about "Ron at the office" (who's a real jackass). You see couples who aren't married-at least to each other...who always arrive separately and talk to their spouses on the phone- then leave in the same vehicle. There are women who get a random night away from the kids to sip wine with their girlfriends and gripe about their husbands.  There are men who sit alone, ask if you're married, tell you never to do it...then proceed to hit on you. Then there is the occasional traveler who is in town on business and stays until you half beg them to leave so you can go home.

You also hear alot of things as a bartender. Couple's fight, men talk about failed marriages, women gripe about never finding that "perfect man", traveler's discuss their jobs-in great detail- giving you the idea that they don't do much else...you wipe down the bar and smile. Sometimes you even actually enjoy these conversations and laugh as this man tries desperately to explain that his ex-wife was just "the devil incarnate",  while the lady at the other end of the bar is ending a conversation with the words "My Husband has lost his damn mind."  sometimes you raise your eyebrows and say "Hey. That is enough."  When the 5 men who have been sipping beer for the last 2 hours start getting a little to brave and vocal.  Then you carry on; washing dishes and pouring drinks like you don't have ears unless you patrons say "Miss? another please?".

Tonight was different. I enjoy my job- I have people I see regularly that I really enjoy.  A few I flat out adore. Tonight we had a group of 4 men come in to sit at the bar top for Happy Hour.  The 3 that showed up first were probably late 30's, early 40's. In town on business, and very polite.  After a few rounds they loosened up, started to make jokes, and I was actually enjoying them as they tried so hard to embarrass each other. Then this much older man wobbles in, he is hunched over and smiles weakly at me. He takes a seat next to one of the guys on the end, and says "Hey fellas"...in a very old and raspy voice. They mumble a round of "heys" and in one swift movement the guy on the end sitting next to this older fellow turns his chair inward-putting his back to him. The old man orders a beer and proceeds to talk with the group. They call him "Denver" and explain to me that he works with them. He tells me he is originally from Denver and starts to explain Colorado in complete and utter detail as I run around trying to take care of 3 tables- the entire bar top and 3 to-go orders.   Awesome-I think. One of these.

The younger bar fellows explain to me that one of them is picking up the food tab, one is picking up the beer tab, and "Denver" is by himself. They continue with their male banter, and ignore him as he tries desperately to be a part of the conversation. They finally give in and ask him what he's babbling about- to which he says "nothin..." and looks down into his beer glass meekly as they scoff and continue on. After a few hours the younger bar fellows decide to leave. They tell me thank you and dart out the door, leaving "Denver" at the bar by himself.  By this time he has had 3 beers and a double Jameson and has told me he isn't driving 3 times.  But he isn't slurring and  I can drink that amount fairly easily so I think nothing of it. He starts to make conversation again about Colorado.  How beautiful it is and whatnot. He tells me he was a bartender for 10 years and that he's a good tipper.  He asks me about school and other small talk as I restock the bar and watch the game. He asks about turning up the volume on the tv and I explain that we can't- so he walks next door to the hotel he is staying at and gets his Ipod- puts it on the radio station and offers to share his headphones. I decline politely seeing as I have to move around; so he removes them and continues to chat with me. I start to get the feeling that the poor guy is grasping for straws, and I feel bad for ignoring him as he tries to make conversation. I make it a point to chat with him as I move about- organizing the beer and cleaning my tables.

After another beer (#5) he tells me he was in Vietnam- that he was an engineer and a gunner. He said going to war  then coming home is like driving 120 miles per hour, then 30 miles per hour. When everyone tells you to relax- you don't know how. Everything seems so slow and that diesn;t make any sense. He says war :"takes a piece of you, and even when you're better...it's still a black spot". He tells me he came close to dying a few times over there but he was too stubborn.  He giggles as he leans back on the bar stool, shakes his head and tells me he was a "young, macho kid" who tore his body up with motorcycles, skiing black diamond slopes, and hiking the peaks of the mountains in Colorado where he grew up. He says "You remind me of my daughter.  Strong. Driven. Not afraid to say what you want... but you do it in a charming way."

He said he got married, raised his kids, and then... his wife wanted a divorce.  he said it was his fault- that he "made a mess of things".  He said His kids were grown, and going through their own stuff at the time, and that he felt bad he put then through so much.  He said  after his wife left, and his kids stopped calling  "They didn't have time for dad" he explained. "I don't blame them...I never let them know anything was wrong". He started smoking cocaine, and a few other things- hee looks down at his glass as he tells me this. But at the end he looks up and he smiles.  He has been clean for 6 years.

After a fairly lengthy conversation he says to me in a small but muffled raspy voice "I'm sorry...I dont know why I'm telling you all of this.  I think I feel like strangers don't judge you...I just don't have anyone to talk to I guess..."   as he gazes down into his empty Jameson glass, grasped between two wrinkled and deeply callused hands.   "Well"  I said, leaning on the bar- "Sounds to me like you have alot to be proud of.  You raised successful kids, you fought for your country, you overcame an addiction...that makes you ok in my book."  He looked up at me- Alot of people look at you, but I swear he looked down into my soul- and he smiled.  His eyes got misty and said "well sweetheart.....that's somethin." As he shuffled into the night, I smiled to myself. I may never know his whole story. I'll never know if all of it was true or not-big fish stories from an old man perhaps.  But I s aw something vulnerable and true in him, and for that I thank him.  For giving me perspective, for allowing me to be a part of a few of the battles he fights every day, and for making me feel like just maybe, I can make a small difference when I least expect it.

Rules to live by

This is simply a compilation of rules I try to live by. Some are simply the norm, some probably only make sense to me. my frustration with people lately has made me realize that being a good person usually wins out- but not always. There is always those couple of assholes that won't change.

1.) Treat others as you want to be treated.-Pretty simple. Most people advocate this when it suits them- perhaps when THEY are the one's being treated badly. Then they conveniently forget when they are the one's treating people badly and rationalize the situation by making it someone else's fault.

2.) Take responsibility.   Big One with me. I hate hate hate when people refuse to man-up. It sucks. No one likes to screw up or be wrong, no one likes being reprimanded- but suck it up pansy ass.

3.) Say you're Sorry- For heaven's sake.  So many relationships-romantic and personal- could be saved if someone whole-heartedly decided to throw in their ego and say "My fault...im a jackass."  It works well in Jon and I's house...and believe it or not its usually me saying it.

4.) Take on another's Perspective-  Seriously.  Tunnel-vision is a MAJOR problem in this area. Everyone's to busy being defensive to think that maybe, just maybe, THEY"RE the one being a dick. (Yeah...I said "being a dick". So much more powerful than other curse words.)  think of other's views, opinions, and acknowledge them. It will get you alot further if you validate their feelings. You have to mean it though or you're just a dick.

5.) Fighting while drunk- WAIT A DAY....  If you wake up, have some coffee, eat lunch, and are STILL PISSED- its fair game.  Don't make a big scene while drunk unless you want to wake up and realize you screamed at someone...then cried.. because they ate the last of the chips.

6.) Say "I love you"-  Not to everyone like a 13 year old girl, not to people you dont really love, but to those you do- say it.  All the time.  You can;t over-use I love you if it's always sincere.

7.)Be honest with your kids-  obviously this is an opinion being that I don;t have kids- but I think honestly works best.  Not that I have to many skeletons in my closet; but when Jon and I have kids we have agreed (when its age appropriate of course) to be honest with them.  I was raised very honestly- I knew what the dangers were, what would be said, what was out there, what my parents did and experienced, and what the consequences were.  I was and am-at the risk of sounding arrogant- a very level-headed, conscious, smart woman. I also told them everything.  Yep....everything.  Still do.

8.) Teach your kids restaurant etiquette or just manners in general-  Oh my gosh.  Yes this comes from working in one.  If I had a camera....you would be amazed.  Seriously. Its awful.  Keep them in their seat, have them say please and than you, and don't buy the brat ice cream to get him to stop screaming bloody murder- give me 5 minutes with him.

9.)Another one from restaurant stand-point- remember to be kind to those working in the service industry...they catch alot of crap.  Like alot.  Half the time I feel like a garbage bin for people to throw stuff at. Every bad day, bad argument, snobby bertha-better-than-you but unhappy housewife, people with weight problems that are pissed they want the food we serve, seriously this is the crap that people take out on me.  It can be a bit hellacious.  But the people who follow this rule allow me to (mostly) enjoy my job.

10) Dont judge someone until you know THEM.- This goes for age, race, sexual preference, religion, etc. Don't tell me you hate a "type" of people...but you haven't really met any- and certainly dont know any personally.  You are an ignorant idiot.

11.)Dont interrupt!   I will slice you.  So rude and disrespectful.

12.) Practice what you preach- pretty simple. If you are a hypocrite then what you present yourself to be will result in a negative connotation, for instance- Don't be a "Devout Christian Who believes homosexuals are going to hell"  It says so in the Bible? The bible says, in plain script, DO NOT JUDGE.  Pretty much everywhere.  You have no point.   Go kick rocks.

13.) Don't play "the game"-  I know to an extent we all have to do things we dont want to. That's life. You have a family to support, etc. But don't let anyone in authority make you feel like less than you are. It isn't worth your self respect. The panic of finding a new job after you flip your boss the bird will subside- but years of being talked down to is a waste of time.  This sounds idealistic- but coming from someone whose done it- just trust me.

14.) Shut up and Listen-  Really listen. Stop waiting for your turn to talk.  This is ironic coming from me- but I listen, and I remember things. Little details.  Its all in the details.

15.)  My most important rule- BE FAITHFUL. To your friends, to your family, and especially to the one you love.  Talk about your problems, If you feel an attraction for someone else- talk about that too. Yeah it would be awkward...but not as awkward as the conversation after you did something stupid if that were to happen.  Life is so precious with someone to share it with. Cherish every day- even the ones you spend fighting..they;re all days you cant get back.  If something were to happen to them- you'd give anything to spend a day with them-even if it was spent fighting.  Remember that.

The Vow

        Valentines Day is coming up, The newly-in-a-relationship people love it- and buy more chocolate and teddy bears than in all creation,  those of us in long term relationships enjoy it- but don't put to much emphasis on it, and the single people hate it, look at it as a terribly sappy holiday, get drunk, and usually bitch at those that are happy....ahh memories.  Haha.  Valentines has never been my favorite holiday; I always end up working and Jon and I do a little something when we can- but I don;t get to worked up about it.  I do love that essential lovey-dovey movie that comes out every year right around Valentines Day- I make a day of it with girlfriends and let myself be a complete cheeseball.  Its fantastic.

I love a good romantic comedy, I love a good romantic drama even more- and if you throw Channing Tatum ( No Robert Downey Jr, but a delicious hunk of a man) and Rachel McAdams (tied with Mila Kunis as my total girl crush) Im there. I get super involved in movies.  Im that annoying person in the theater who hushes people.  If you dont hush I will throw Milk Duds at you.   Seriously.

The plot (you would get this from the trailer so again- no spoilers) is this young married couple is involved in a car accident causing Rachel McAdams a.k.a "Paige" to lose her memory of ever knowing her husband...or basically anything of the last couple of years. So Channing Tatum (aka Leo)  is heartbroken and defeated, but decided he has to make his wife "fall in love with him again."   This all sounds very sweet. Clean slate...start anew?  I start sniffling immediately. That is my second worst fear next to Jon (gulp) passing away.  That someday we will be old and gray and one of us will forget the other.  hey... Alzheimer's is scary shit ok?  So there I am....lump in throat....just trying not to be a total basket case, I mean my heart just about leaps out of my chest and splatters on the floor; and I realize this is why.  Its the MAN that is hurting....Not the woman.  It just about killed me.

So I can handle...in a wierd way...the thought of being the one who remembered.  Yes it would be horrible, and devastating, but at least you'd have all of those memories. I could love him through anything. But the thought of forgetting throws me into a tailspin; and in a wierd way watching this movie with this man just begging for his wife to know him about ruined me...because If I ever hurt Jon like that, it would rip me apart.

Everyone knows...and likes to remind me....just how "gross" Jon and I are.  I'm sorry people that we love each other so much. I get so unbelievably sick of hearing people tell me to "God just shut up about it..."  I don't walk around gushing about my fiancee....too often...Haha.  When you've been together as long as we have (5 and a half years, not crazy long but def. a while) you don't realize everything is a "we".  "We like that movie/show/restaurant".  "We want to go to Italy","we were in Target the other day and..." we we we. You don't realize you move around each other like magnets. One moves, so does the other.  If anything is funny you laugh looking at them to see if they're laughing too.  Its like gravity...you know its there but its so innate its almost unconscious.

I never knew parts of me that love Jon existed. Little stolen moments that we share in crowded rooms, flickers of the eyes that have 100 different meanings. He has about 4 or 5 different laughs. He knows about 50 different ways to instantly piss me off, about 100 ways to calm me down, and about 500 ways to make me laugh and forget about whatever he did that made me angry in the first place. The first time I saw him smile- is tucked into my mind like a snapshot.  This perfect, crooked, nervous smile. Absolute Perfection. The first time he REALLY made me angry...I have never been that out of my mind, chaotically, maniacally angry. He is my opposite in so many ways- he's insanely calm.  Never gets worked up- the minute I do he acts like I am a crazy person.  It about makes me live up to it.  But when it comes down to it, when everything that can go wrong does, when the world walks out- he's still there.  He's my home.

People have different views on relationships and love.  That they are chance or luck,  that there is someone out there everyone could "be happy with", that everyone has a counterpart or a soulmate, that love is fictional-made up (usually those that have been in love and it killed them), that there is no one out there for them (this is usually like high schoolers who have had 2 boyfriends...ever...).   There are those that jump into it- and are "in love" with everyone they go on a date with. There are those that run from it....that are scared of it and are afraid it will catch them.  There are those that have loved and lost; and those that have never loved at all.

I've experienced unconditional love,  puppy love, and romantic love in my life. I've loved and lost, and I've loved and learned. I don;t know all the answers, and I don't have a ridiculous amount of wisdom or experience. Everyone's lives and experiences are different. All I know is its worth it.  To chance the risk of becoming a "we."  To get relentlessly tormented and mocked because you can't just "shut up" about that other person.  To surrender your pride and love with everything that makes you who you are-and then some. To be angrier than you've ever been, and NOT be able to punch them in the face like you can your siblings...haha.  Its worth every single good, bad, ugly, and beautiful moment.

I vow to be yours completely.
 To fiercely love you, with every breath I take.
 To love you, even when I hate you.
 To know always, that we share a rare and transcendent kind of  love; and
.To believe in us, beyond the shadow of a doubt.
To always and forever invade your side of the bed.
To give you beautiful, smart and inevitably tenacious babies.
and to Love you in every moment, the way I love you in this one.
.

Judgement

One of my a #1 pet peeves?   Pretentious people.


All of us think we are right in the way we think or feel- otherwise we wouldn't feel that way. One thing that really gets under my skin is when someone who has no life experiences make judgments on how others live through theirs.  There is a line of course, if you hurt people in the process or are just making terrible decisions and not learning your lesson that is one thing; but to think that you are in-fact better than everyone around you is ludicrous. Where does this usually happen?  Extreme religious cases.  I have faith. I am spiritual. I believe that this big earth and everyone in it is not here by chance. But me not being in church every Sunday and spending every day talking about Jesus doesn't make you better than me, give me a break.  It doesn't work that way.

Secondly, on relationships. Standards are good, they are necessary. It makes sense to want someone who has the same beliefs and morals as you do, however some of the strongest and most beautiful people, and most that are truly "saved"; got that way from coming out of something terrible and finding something beautiful. They are strong, brave and individualistic. They have seen life first hand and know that acting like a good person, and actually being a good person, are 2 completely different things. So before you decide that a relationship isn't a good idea because someone isn't exactly like you- take the time to think that maybe- just maybe- THEY are the better person.   End rant.

Matthew 7:1-5 

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

If I could write a letter to me....

People say they wouldn't change a thing- even if they could.  But I would.


I love my life.  It's kind of perfect.  The arrogant part of me really believes that I have become a better version of myself in alot of ways simply through accepting my faults and flaws, and loving myself anyways.  I Thank Jon for alot of this.  If anyone knows me 100% inside out, it's him.  However, if I could know just where I would end up no matter what- there are some things I would change.


If I could write a letter to me, it would go a little something like this.


"Dear Randi,
You are 5.  This year you will be in Mrs. Countryman's class and you will have the pleasure of meeting her pet Rabbit- Bilbo.  Do not stick your fingers in the cage- he WILL bite you.  I know you will do it anyways, but you were warned.   You will love storytime! Be sure and grab a good spot on the red tape on the floor.  Later in the year you will be introduced to the sand station and will master making sand stars...it is right next to the bathroom so make sure you go if you need to because your bladder sucks....yes it will fail you at least once this year....it isn;t your fault- those Osh Kosh zippers blow.


There is a little blonde down the street you should meet.  Her name is Nicole and you will love her.  You will know her because her laugh is so loud you can hear it at your house with the windows closed, and...get this...she has a fort under her bunk bed!  She will be one of your best friends so make sure you remember to treat her well, and if there is a fight say you are sorry if it is your fault....she will always say it first, but you need to make sure you say it too.


When you are 8 you will make 3 more friends- Jill, Jessica and Megan.  These girls are people you want to know.  You will know Jill because the first time you see her- she will be dragging a schnauzer down the street.  Go say hello!  You will know Megan because she is Jills best friend- she's a bit quieter but give her time.  Jessica will be the first to be open and friendly, don't laugh because anytime she says "shleep" instead of "sleep"...she's sensitive about it.


When you are 12 life is going to deal you a pretty awful card.  You need to make sure you hug Grandma Jean and Grandpa Bill as often as possible. Don't get upset with Grandpa Bill for yelling at you when you put your feet on the tv...he doesn't mean it.  Oh- always check the second drawer in the blue bedroom- he and Grandma Donna will leave you presents. Also check under his chair- there is always quarters ;)  Grandma Jean likes when you sit on her lap, so do it all the time, and try your hardest to memorize her face and the way she smells- like perfume and  laundry detergent.  Grandpa will laugh when you ask to comb his hair when it looks all crazy- but he loves it.  Remember to tell them how much you love them everytime you leave.When it cant get any worse this year...Nicole moves away, and its hard. You will learn that you can be close with someone even if they don't live nearby. this is a hard lesson- but you will make it through all right. Make sure you keep calling her.  All the time.  She has a hard time, too.


You are 16!  Don't be scared to drive, it really isn't so bad. When you start your new job at the grocery store  make sure and tell ( a few) of the girls who give you a hard time to shove it as often as possible...they never get any better.  Stick with your girlfriends, they are your best bet. Guess what- most of them will work with you! Cut your parents a break- they really do mean well.  They know alot more than you, and don't be to stubborn to realize that.  


HINT: If they accuse you of things you aren't doing- and you Yell "I'm NOT!!!" It really looks like you are lying. Answer in an even tone....cool your jets.


You are graduating high school!  When you go to project graduation dont spend your entire night in the bingo room- yes they will have the best prizes, but there's to much going on you will miss.  When you hang out with everyone this summer BE CAREFUL. You will love that they have motorcycles but if mom finds out they are popping wheelies with you on the back she will freak out....for good reason.  


Be smart with your heart.  Don;t give it up all at once. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck- its probably a damn duck. I know you think you are ready and this is right, But deep down you know you are trying to salvage something...that won't complete the puzzle- it will make it worse.  When you're  really ready you won't have to convince yourself you are. Don't settle.  Don't ever be an option for someone you make a priority. You are NOT a consolation prize. Don't compromise yourself, and don't let anyone make you feel like a convenience. Speak up, stand up, and walk away.


COLLEGE BOUND!


This year you will take Algebra and English Comp.  You will learn the ins and outs of college life, and you will make a few new friends.  Public Speaking blows- but dont stop going or you will fail. 


The guy who sings will dump you because you aren't a ho. Its fine-he is a grade-A jackass.  Punch him in the face before you tell him to screw off.


ENTER SECOND SEMESTER:
There will be some guys you don't have the nerve to talk to...and thats ok! But there is this one.  You will know him because his laugh fills the entire room and he looks like he got dressed in the dark.  I know he looks homeless.  


Hint:  Approach him. It will save you alot of time....you will have to do it eventually- just do it ASAP. 
You will fall for him hard and fast, but keep it light.  This one scares easy. When you get the feeling he is pulling away from you- let him go.  He will come back.  In the mean time move in with some girl friends...Cortney Abbott is a perfect choice...and she will help you rip your bed apart in a fit of rage- AND let you sleep in bed with her if you are having a hard night. She'll want to kill him..as much as you agree-.convince her not to.


When he shows up after....a while.  Don't say harsh things.  When he says he loves you, and he will, he means it. When he doesn't know the right thing to say....and he won't alot of the time- watch the way he watches you.  Watch the way he tries not to laugh when you scream at him for eating the last cookie. Watch the way his arms open up when there's nothing left to say but I'm sorry.  Pay attention to the stolen smiles and giggles when you stub your toe and throw out the most un-lady-like words.. Listen to the way his breaths get short and choppy when he gets good and asleep (don't worry- he's fine).    


Be patient.
Be understanding.
Don't go to bed angry.
Don't punish him for things others have done.
Sometimes it is his fault..but resolve it and be done with it.
Love as much as you can, and when you feel like you are going to burst, love more.


We get one life.  Live every minute.

The Evils of Facebook and High School BS

Disclaimer" More random gripes from your truly- written in a funny sarcastic manner not in actual anger.  Any criticism of said article is not welcome- you read it- I didn't force you   ;)


Oh facebook....How I love and hate thee.  I love being able to keep in touch with the friends that lead busy lives such as I, and the friends that are to far away to visit as often as I would like.  I love that I can communicate with people at their and my convenience being that i work opposite hours than most, and I love that posting an invitation for suggestions for good massage parlors, hair products, and the other small details of my life has been made extremely simple.  However- I do not love how it has tuned many of its loyal users into a whiner, instigator, and downright coward.

Holy Shnikes I am sick of feeling like I am back in high school. I understand how once again this will seem a bit ironic or Inception-like; griping about how people's gripes, how they use their own personal space, freedom of speech, blah blah blah....save it please.  You sought this out as well so what makes you any better? Ha.  Gotcha.
My point being- I understand the need to vent (obviously); what I do not understand is the need to CONSTANTLY vent, the hilarious misrepresentation of ones self for others enjoyment/approval and the need to start conflict on a social networking sight in an extremely vague manner as to avoid any actual physical repercussions. Translation?  Bitching all the time about the same crap and making no changes, Saying you enjoy poetry and black and white classics when I know for a fact you spent most weekends of 4 years lighting up some reefer and puking on yourself (no no dont give me that liberal "that doesn't define you" crap), and my favorite- Talking shit about people and refusing to name who, while also refusing to do it in person because you know you are going to get your ass kicked.  Ok- here's the thing- I creep- like most on facebook. None of the people I am talking about- and it is no one in particular just a BUNCH of random  acquantances-are good friends of mine. So all of you that have decided I am talking about you and have gotten all huffed up and mad for no viable reason....chill. I love you.  Haha.

 I realize I bring it on myself as a snoop but I am encountering this so frequently that it has turned from a hilarious comic-strip like past time to a downright disgust for alot of my past peers.  Therefore I am exercising MY right to free speech and saying "are you freaking kidding me?"  By the way- using more words and complicated phrasing do not make you sound  more intelligent- they make you sound like a politician.  Like you are full of crap- and you have no concrete ideas of your own- so save it.  Oh and girls? The reason why you can't find a guy to take you seriously is because you have 17 facebook albums with your lady parts hanging out and a beer bong in your mouth. Stop crying about how he didn't call- you idiot.  If you have quotes under your quotations that you yourself have said- that are not funny but some kind of self-appointed philosophical discovery- I just feel bad for you.  That's like giving yourself a high five in public (Thank you Pinterest)- you just look stupid.  If you are going to say you  " feel bad for everyone around me- I was born to be successful"- make sure you spell "successful" correctly.  True story- hilarious.

I know how arrogant this seems- I always laugh when I scroll through my moody, bi-polar, I love my fiancee- worst day at work EVER!-man I want a cookie- "Re-post for what you believe in", bullcrap. We are all guilty of cursing the guy who cut us off on the highway on facebook for the world to share in our rage....some days it just gets to a be a bit ridiculous. Its those I dont associate with for obvious reasons who really get to me...its like Jersey Shore though- no matter how ridiculous i cant tear myself away from their trivial narcissistic lives.  Haha.    and I'm out!